Chauhan's Internet Department
Welcome to the digital headquarters of the Ministry of Unnecessary Internet Services. Whether you need an official excuse for your boss, an unappealable ruling on putting ketchup on Maggi, or permission to postpone your life until tomorrow, our desk officers are standing by (and currently drinking chai).
Reserve Your Official chauhan.lol/@username
Claim your personalized Citizen Dossier, download your official 9:16 Instagram Story card, and prove to the world that your unproductivity is certified by Desk Officer Chauhan.
MINISTRY DIVISIONS & POPULAR COUNTERS
NO APPOINTMENT REQUIREDSupreme Internet Court
Submit petty arguments (Ketchup on Maggi, Replying 'k'). Receive unappealable dramatic rulings from Justice Chauhan.
Useless Tools™
Meeting Survival Calculator, 'Should I Send This?' late-night text threat analyzer, and VC Bullshit Pitch Generator.
Roast by Chauhan
Submit your profession and pride point. Receive a devastating official burn certified by Desk Officer Chauhan.
Identity Assessment Bureau
Answer 10 absurd questions to receive your official government archetype badge (87-Tab Hoarder, Corporate Ghost, etc.).
The Forbidden Button
A massive button labeled DO NOT CLICK. Every click triggers chaotic alarms, fake cache wipes, and disobedience fines.
Official Certificates
Generate stamped diplomas with your name: Certified Procrastinator, CEO of Doing Nothing, etc.
Official Break Eligibility Assessment
Under Article 21-A of the Work Avoidance Act, measure your fatigue and obtain a stamped pass.
Adjust sliders and click 'Submit Application' to watch Desk Officer Chauhan process your request through the bureaucratic pipeline.
Request Official Permission to Procrastinate
Submit the task you are actively avoiding. The Ministry will determine whether you are legally permitted to delay it.
Official Excuse Dispenser
Government-certified pretexts for missed deadlines and social evasion.
“My laptop suffered an unexpected kernel panic while compiling the final deliverables, and IT is re-imaging the SSD. Will update once operational.”
Professional Lie Generator
Translates brutal honesty into executive corporate diplomatic deception.
“I haven't started this and won't touch it until tomorrow 11 AM.”
This is currently undergoing preliminary synthesis. I anticipate having a directional draft in your inbox by early tomorrow.